Despite the fact that I impatiently spent the entire weekend looking forward to seeing Jason again, when I got off work and it was time to call him, my stomach turned and my hands shook as I looked at the phone, trying to will myself to call his number. I came very close to driving on home and forgetting about it but my curiosity finally won out over my better judgement. I could not let myself chicken out now when I was so close to getting what I desired.
Enjoying a beer while I waited for him, I turned over scenarios in my head. How do we learn to trust each other? What questions should I ask? What should answers should I expect?
Jason walked in the door looking extremely hot in a pair of camouflage pants and a black shirt, loose but not so baggy as to obscure his slim and sexy body. I smiled warmly with flirtation in my eyes as they met his, “I like your shirt.” I felt awkward meeting him still in my plain black polo and khaki slacks required for work.
The conversation flowed easily once again and I began to feel ridiculous about my previous worries. My last lover had seemed like he was always playing games with my head but Jason appeared confident enough to simply be himself.
We were talking about dancing. “I really enjoy being able to read the subtle body cues of my partner,” he said.
I think he saw my face change in that instant, when I smiled in amazement. Intuitive reading of body language was an integral part of what I was looking for in a lover. If he excelled at that I knew he could push the edge of my pleasure and pain, tease me sweetly, and find just the right moment to drive me crazy with desire. The fire ignited in me and I knew I couldn’t turn back now.
We chatted about a self defense class I took and he asked, “Have you ever been in a situation where you had to defend yourself?”
“No, I never have. And I don’t really approach it from that standpoint, I don’t walk around worrying about getting attacked. I just mainly took it to increase my confidence and coordination.”
“Do you consider yourself a very trusting person?”
My face flushed. “It’s kind of funny that you ask me that,” I confessed how nervous I had been about meeting him and that I almost backed out. “But yes, I actually do consider myself a pretty trusting person.”
“Me too,” he replied. “So I was thinking about going for a drive, would you like to join me?”
Another leap of faith, another chance to prove my trust. I hesitated for a long moment before I agreed.
The warm summer night air across my face and the new privacy alone in his car freed me to talk more about my desires. I explained how much I had loved the high from getting my tattoo and how I believed that bondage, submission, and punishment would bring me out of my head and into the moment.
“I’m far from being an expert on the subject. I’ve only had one girlfriend that I used to play with,” he said. “But I have done some research on the subject and found that many times submissives are either searching to be relieved from the control they are required to exercise in everyday life or were brought up to believe that their sexual feelings were wrong and they need to be punished for them.”
“Well I was in fact brought up that way but I always seemed to ignore it,” I said. “I kind of reveled in my sexuality from an early age. But I have been accused of being a control freak. I love the intensity of being able to release control and really let myself go.”
Jason dropped me off at the door and asked me when we could see each other again. I suggested Friday morning and he agreed. Moving towards him to say goodbye, I half hoped for a kiss. But he hugged me and said goodnight…the first tease of many.
Cassie Fettered 