Force De Jour

We recognized each other immediately, even though we had only shared a few pictures online.  I smiled widely and waved.  We hugged and it felt wonderful…he was a bear.  But he didn’t stay cuddly for long.  He grabbed the hair on the back of my head and pulled hard.  He knew that was just what he had to do to own me from that moment on.  We kissed and it felt so right.  But although originally I had intended to join him for a beer and talk, I soon had another idea entirely.  We walked, holding hands from time to time.  All the while my insides were churning with excitement and a little bit of fear.  Knowing all Chuck really wanted to do was cut my clothes off and rape me made my pussy tingle in spite of itself.
Finally I steered him away from the crowds and down a dark alley I knew of.  It was nice and quiet just as I’d hoped.  He knew just what was on my mind, he pushed me against the wall and grabbed my neck while kissing me.  “You know I could do anything I want to you right now,” he growled.
“Yes,” I sighed, already my pussy dripped with arousal.  He kissed me hard.  Despite the fact that we were both living out a fantasy, we felt a little bit nervous and exposed.  Every noise made us worry about being seen or getting caught.  So we walked deeper into the alley and stumbled across a little fenced in atrium.  Chuck wanted to go in but I was still nervous.  “Let’s go in there,” he said.
“I don’t know, the fence kinda makes it look like this would be trespassing,” I hesitated.  Partly because I was afraid of trespassing and partly because I knew he could probably get away with raping me in there.
Eventually he lured me inside and things got really heated.  My memory fails me of every detail, when I get into subspace my mind kind of shuts down and gives way to my body.  We kissed more…he stopped at one point and said, “We haven’t really negotiated this scene so I just want to say that you can safeword at any time…what words do you like to use?”
“The colors are fine,” I managed to pant out.  I was trembling and breathless as he told me what a slut I was and asked me how much I liked to fool around where any body could see us.  He bit me and slapped me, all of which made me crazy.
He pointed to the ground and said, “You’d like it if I tore your clothes off right now and took you right here, wouldn’t you?”
“I can’t…” I stuttered.  He knew I wasn’t on birth control.
“I didn’t say can you, I said you want to don’t you?”
“Yes,” I gulped.
“You’re so wet right now aren’t you?”
“Yes I am.”
He jammed his hand down my skirt and found it to be so true.  He held me up from behind because my legs could barely hold me.  My eyes searched around for a minute to see if someone might be looking before I was to aroused to care.  I clutched him as my clit exploded.  As he continued to work me, I squirted hard.
“Look at you, you’re coming right here in the street where anyone could see you,” Chuck said.  “How many times did you come?”
“Twice,” I said.
“Well those were the only freebies you’re going to get, from now on you have to ask permission, do you understand?”
“Yes, I understand, Sir,” I whispered.
“Not sure if I can get my magic fingers at just the right angle here.”  He managed to work a couple fingers inside me and to my surprise as well, found the g-spot.
Suddenly I became terrified, I can’t control my g-spot orgasms, especially when I am as aroused as I was in that moment.  “No, please,” I begged, “I can’t control them.”  I started struggling, he had told me that he wanted me to fight…I know he must have liked it, knowing I was terrified that he would make me orgasm uncontrollably.  Or maybe he was just looking forward to the punishment.
He was spitting out a tirade of words, telling me what a slut I was and I was loving it.  Then he said, “That’s all you’re good for, a wet whole to be used.”
I pushed my head into his shoulder and whimpered, “No, please don’t say that.”  I really meant it but I was curious what his reaction would be since I hadn’t used the safeword.
“I’m sorry,” he said, “I went to far.”  Since it was our first time playing together I enjoyed seeing his tender side leak through his violent side.  But I made a mental note that if we were going to do the rape scene under NO circumstances should he break “character” unless I safe worded.  At this point I was sure it would be safe to act that out…and I couldn’t wait.
He grabbed me and slammed me back against the fence.  It made a very dramatic noise when my head hit it but it didn’t hurt at all, “I’m so sorry, are you ok?”
I laughed, thinking for a brief moment he felt the fear that he had just accidentally bashed my head in.  I assured him I was ok and we moved on, giggling a bit.
“I was wondering,” I said, “How bad my punishment would be if I grabbed your crotch right now.”
“Why don’t you find out?”
What I really longed to do was drop to my knees and take it in my mouth right that minute but I knew he would not allow that.  So I worked it through his pants until he let me unfasten his belt and touch it with my fingers.  He had worked me into a frenzy on line by telling me that his cock was uncut.  I had only been with one uncircumcised man before and I found it wonderful.  It broke my heart that most American boys were deprived a part of their sexual organs.  He only let me handle it for a few minutes.
The hour was getting late and I knew I had to be getting back.  I said something about it but Chuck had other ideas.  His hand were pinching my nipples and his hand was twisted in my hair, pulling it hard again.  There was no way I was going anywhere.  Next thing I knew, in a flash he had exposed my breasts and I screamed, automatically going to cover them, “Oh no, it’s cold.”  When we first started talking about how he’d like to “force” me to do things and wanted me to struggle, I did not even know if I could do it.  When I get turned on I just want to please and comply.  But clearly knew how to bring it out in me.  I wanted what he was doing but I accessed that part of me that allowed me to struggle.
I wish I could remember more details…every moment was so delicious.  “I’ve never done anything like this before,” he chuckled.
“Neither have I,” I said.
“I thought you said you used to have sex in public all the time,” he said.
“Oh, right…well I haven’t done anything like this since I was a minor,” I corrected.  Those memories of hot teen sex anywhere we could get it were so long gone that it seemed like another person, another lifetime.   And it certainly didn’t have anything to do with BDSM.
We walked back to the car, talking and flirting.  He talked some more about how even though he liked submissive women, the last thing he wanted was for me to lie there and take it.  He wanted to see my spirit, my spunk.
I had wondered before if Jason would want me to struggle.  I think part of him knew if I got too excited, struggled too much I could most likely hurt him…he is strong but I outweigh him.  Chuck, on the other hand, was big enough and strong enough to take me down if I struggled hard.  I still felt comfortable if things got out of hand that I knew enough tricks stop him.  But now I knew that would not be necessary.  He had showed me his D as well as his heart.
When we got to the car, I remember him grabbing my neck, choking me right there on the sidewalk where several people gave us funny looks.  I have expected the police to arrive…I hoped the people who saw us could tell that I was loving every minute of it.  Then he started spanking me.  It stung so well, I knew when he got me alone my ass was going to get it.  I tried to get away from him, working some more on that spirit he wanted to see.
I tried to hug him good bye but he grabbed me and started to pull me away from the car.  “Remember you can safeword at any time,” he said, “Or you can just say, I really have to go.”
“I really have to go,” I said firmly but sadly.  I didn’t want to destroy the chance that I could see him again by getting carried away at our first meeting.

Fire Fighting

A couple more days passed and I was ready to crawl out of my skin.  Sexual deprivation was not good for my mental health.  Already too anxious to see Jason again, knowing that my next orgasm lay in his hands made the waiting nearly insufferable.

The next time we planned to meet he had to cancel at the last minute.

“Bummer,” I texted him, “I needed to ask you something.  Tomorrow perhaps?”

“Ask me,” came his reply.  I laughed out loud at the idea of texting him my question!

“Can’t text it!  I just needed to ask you permission for something,” I replied.  Hoping to pique his curiousity and get the tension going both ways.

“I must admit it’s kinda hot that you want my permission,” he responded.  Mission accomplished!  Secretly I hoped when he found out what it was, it would be a turn on instead of making him think I’m mental, LOL!

I still wasn’t sure how much control he wanted over me, or how much I wanted him to have.  It seemed practical to keep it in the realm of our sexual play when we were together…but already it seemed to be bleeding over into my every day life.  Wouldn’t it only serve to make our meetings more intense if we found ways to keep the anticipation alive in between?

In my hunger for more info I stumbled upon a BDSM blog which seemed to insinuate that a Master need only say “now” to his slave during and she had an orgasm.  Interesting concept, I found myself wondering what kind of training would be required to accomplish this sort of feat.

Familiar Connection

Despite the fact that I impatiently spent the entire weekend looking forward to seeing Jason again, when I got off work and it was time to call him, my stomach turned and my hands shook as I looked at the phone, trying to will myself to call his number.  I came very close to driving on home and forgetting about it but my curiosity finally won out over my better judgement.  I could not let myself chicken out now when I was so close to getting what I desired.

Enjoying a beer while I waited for him, I turned over scenarios in my head.  How do we learn to trust each other?  What questions should I ask?  What should answers should I expect?

Jason walked in the door looking extremely hot in a pair of camouflage pants and a black shirt, loose but not so baggy as to obscure his slim and sexy body.  I smiled warmly with flirtation in my eyes as they met his, “I like your shirt.”  I felt awkward meeting him still in my plain black polo and khaki slacks required for work.

The conversation flowed easily once again and I began to feel ridiculous about my previous worries.  My last lover had seemed like he was always playing games with my head but Jason appeared confident enough to simply be himself.

We were talking about dancing.  “I really enjoy being able to read the subtle body cues of my partner,” he said.

I think he saw my face change in that instant, when I smiled in amazement.  Intuitive reading of body language was an integral part of what I was looking for in a lover.  If he excelled at that I knew he could push the edge of my pleasure and pain, tease me sweetly, and find just the right moment to drive me crazy with desire.  The fire ignited in me and I knew I couldn’t turn back now.

We chatted about a self defense class I took and he asked, “Have you ever been in a situation where you had to defend yourself?”

“No, I never have.  And I don’t really approach it from that standpoint, I don’t walk around worrying about getting attacked.  I just mainly took it to increase my confidence and coordination.”

“Do you consider yourself a very trusting person?”

My face flushed.  “It’s kind of funny that you ask me that,” I confessed how nervous I had been about meeting him and that I almost backed out. “But yes, I actually do consider myself a pretty trusting person.”

“Me too,” he replied.  “So I was thinking about going for a drive, would you like to join me?”

Another leap of faith, another chance to prove my trust.  I hesitated for a long moment before I agreed.

The warm summer night air across my face and the new privacy alone in his car freed me to talk more about my desires.  I explained how much I had loved the high from getting my tattoo and how I believed that bondage, submission, and punishment would bring me out of my head and into the moment.

“I’m far from being an expert on the subject.  I’ve only had one girlfriend that I used to play with,” he said.  “But I have done some research on the subject and found that many times submissives are either searching to be relieved from the control they are required to exercise in everyday life or were brought up to believe that their sexual feelings were wrong and they need to be punished for them.”

“Well I was in fact  brought up that way but I always seemed to ignore it,” I said. “I kind of reveled in my sexuality from an early age.  But I have been accused of being a control freak.  I love the intensity of being able to release control and really let myself go.”

Jason dropped me off at the door and asked me when we could see each other again.  I suggested Friday morning and he agreed.  Moving towards him to say goodbye, I half hoped for a kiss.  But he hugged me and said goodnight…the first tease of many.

Fearful Delay

Jason and I failed to connect again for over a week, nervousness overwhelmed my excitement and he lost my number.  But he refused to let me slip away.  He dropped in on me again at work while I was waiting for my shift to start.  My heart raced as he sat next to me, chatting easily.  It was not difficult to find common ground between us, the conversation and the smiles flowed effortlessly, despite the fact that my jitters caused me to talk too much.

Flattered that he would come after me, my desire increased but fear still nagged the back of my head.  Too many stories recently about bad people using the internet to do their bad things.  The next day he texted me that he wanted to see me again that night…I was tempted but had to work late and get up early to go out of town for the weekend.  We had to wait till Monday night.

My fantasies kicked into high gear.  Every time I had an orgasm it was because I imagined him slamming his cock against the back of my throat or fucking me with my hands bound.  But I didn’t know how to trust him enough to turn those daydreams into reality.

Fateful Meeting

With two jobs and a girlfriend I just didn’t feel like I had the time or desire for a serious relationship. My recent experiences with men had been with ones who were a little older than me (35) and I was beginning to miss the raw desire and performance of a younger man.

So on a total whim I ran a search on an internet dating site for men between the ages of 19 and 24 in my neighborhood interested in casual sex. I don’t even really know what caused me to message Jason, I guess even though he was 24, his profile didn’t seem so “young” and we had an 85% match percentage which was really high for my open minded polyamorous self. Thought might have a thing or two in common despite our age difference.

I had no idea how right I was. “Let’s have fun,” I wrote.

“How delightfully forward of you,” he replied, “My idea of fun usually involves ropes and/or floggers.”

Bestill my heart I had stumbled upon exactly what I had been looking for without even knowing it. I had been playing more recently with rough sex and some light bondage, but never with anyone who knew what they were doing or was really into it.

I suggested that if he was brave he could drop in on me at work. Figured I’d challenge him right away because I had no interest in an e-mail / chat relationship. He rose to the challenge and I was immediately impressed. His blue eyes cut to my core and he smiled confidently.

From that moment on I spent a lot of time fantasizing about being on my knees before him.